


Sky Full Of Song

by GodAndMonsters



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-26 10:07:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17743883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GodAndMonsters/pseuds/GodAndMonsters
Summary: ReuploadRegina is a famous singer who relocated to LA from London. Leaving her home and her girlfriend, Emma, there.She is having a hard time dealing with the long-distance relationship as her old demons came to play again.





	Sky Full Of Song

 

“I miss you,” the small quivering voice of the brunette said, “Do you miss me?” she choked on her tears.

God, she was so pathetic, calling her girlfriend in the middle of the night? What was the time in London now anyway? she used to keep track of this stuff before, before everything, when she still lived in the little bubble of her dreams. Now all she was dreaming of was Emma’s arms around her, Emma’s blonde her tickling her shoulders as she leaned down and clashed their lips together.

“Of course I miss you, honey” Emma whispered back, she was worried now, Regina’s voice was wet and salty and something was clearly wrong. She just hoped Regina was not falling into old patterns again. She was not sure she could handle it if she did. “Everything ok?” she asked.

“Yes,” Regina quickly responded, wiping tears from her cheek as she cleared her throat, “What time is it there anyway?”

“Just past six in the morning,” Emma replied as she suppressed a yawn, “How was your concert?”

“Good,” It was a lie, Regina can’t even remember the concert she was so drunk she wasn’t sure if the concert actually happened. “I love you,” she breathed, her hold on the phone was so tight that her knuckles turned white, she could feel her nerves begging her to loose it. But she couldn't, right now the phone was the only thing that kept her grounded, that kept her from falling apart.

“I love you, too,” Emma said back, her heart beating fast with concern and she was sure now something is very, very wrong. “Are you ok?” she asked, hoping for Regina to say yes, even if she will know it’s a lie, “Is Jefferson with you?”

“No,” the brunette could feel the room spinning, her head was throbbing with the side effects of whatever drug she took. “He has a boyfriend now, he went to him,”

“How about,” Emma sighed while turning on her computer “How about I’ll come to visit you tomorrow? I’m sure I can take an early flight and be with you by evening,”

Regina was smiling widely now, tears soaking her cheek until her features changed sharply to a frown “But you were supposed to come next week, to see my opening show in New-York,”

“I’ll take an earlier flight and stay the whole week, you can show me LA and then we will fly to New-York together as planned,” Emma explained while already working on changing her flight schedule. “Ok?” she asked, she wanted to hear Regina talking, to reassure herself that she was fine, she was so helpless, the distance, it choked her.

“Ok,” the brunette exhaled, “I miss you,” she whispered again, the drug in her body breaking all of her defenses and leaving her naked, bare and so utterly weak.

“I need you to be strong for me,” Emma said softly, “I’ll be there tomorrow, sweetheart,” she promised, “Go to sleep now, when you will wake up I’ll probably be on the plane, I’ll text you when we’ll land,”

“Ok,” she could taste the hope slipping away from her, the thought about hanging up the phone and breathing again by herself, alone, in this cold lonely apartment, it was all suffocating.

“Goodnight,” She whispered, knowing that if she will be the one who will end the call it will be somehow easier.

“Goodnight, Roni,” she could hear Emma’s smile through the phone and she couldn’t stop her lips from quirking up. “I love you,” Emma whispered for the second time and Regina felt her body tingling, not from drug or alcohol, but from the excitement of being loved by her.

“I love you too,” she whispered as she hand up the phone. And she never felt something so fully in her entire life. She loved Emma more than any stage, any song, any country, more than she loved herself. And being away hurt more than anything.

—————

“Hair and makeup now!” Cora told her the minute she walked into the room, not bothering to even ask her how she is feeling. Not that it came as any surprise, since she became Roni she stopped being her daughter, or she stopped years ago when she left her in London so she could get as far away as she can from her husband.

“Fine,” Regina mumbled while throwing her empty cup of coffee to the trash,

“Let’s get this interview over with,” she sighed as she walked into the hair makeup room.

“Good morning sleepyhead,” Jefferson smiled at her before he pushed her into the chair, “God I have a lot of work,” he chuckled as he looked at her puffy eyes and black bags.

“Shut up,” she growled at him, putting her headphones on and playing her favorite song at the moment.

“Everything's gonna be alright

Everything's gonna be okay

It's gonna be a good, good, life

That's what my therapist says

Everything's gonna be alright

Everything's gonna be just fine

It's gonna be a good, good life”

She sang quietly to herself asJefferson worked on her hair, she loved Jefferson for that exact reason, he knew when to give her a little peace and quiet.

“God you sound awful when you can’t hear yourself,” he took off one of her earphones and informed her on that. Maybe she didn’t love him that much after all.

“Shut up” she put her earphone back on and turn the volume up.

“I'm a mess, I'm a loser

I'm a hater, I'm a user

I'm a mess for your love, it ain't new

I'm obsessed, I'm embarrassed

I don't trust no one around us

I'm a mess for your love, it ain't new”

God Regina loved it when songs just spoke her own thoughts, translating the beating of her heart into a language she could actually understand and sing out loud.

Music saved her life, only now she was collecting the debt.

She could feel rather than hear her mother walking into the room, she didn’t bother removing her earphones, most of the time she preferred not to hear her mother’s words.

She could see her lips moving hysterically and her eyes squinting in anger and disappointment, she must have not noticed Regina’s phone as the brunette turn the volume all the way up, letting the words wash over her as she kept nodding at the older woman.

“Are you even listening?” she saw the lips moving again, and this time the older woman finally noticed Regina’s ears. “Are you kidding me?” she growled at her and tore it from her ears,causing Regina to jump in surprise “Are you drunk” it came as s statement, as a hard solid fact.

“Regina,” her mother sighed and for the first time today Regina felt guilty, it only took her two hours since she woke up. “What will I do with you,” she exhaled before she left the room, causing Regina to growl in despair and to throw her phone at the mirror in front of her.

“It will be ok,” Jefferson tried to comfort her, unsuccessfully.

“I’m hungover,” she yelled at the door, “It’s different than drunk,”

————————

**“Hey, I know you are probably on the plane now, anyway I have a concert tonight and I left you tickets with Jefferson in case you want to come, love you - R”**

Emma didn’t show up at the concert and even the screams of her name, the adrenalin, the ecstasy she usually got from the crowd, even that couldn’t stop her mind from wandering and planting dangers urges inside her.

She could recognize it by now, she could tell and acknowledge it. But she couldn’t tame it, maybe she will never be able to, because even after seven years of therapy it was still as loud and as cruel as it always was.

Her mind was a war zone, shooting bullet after bullet at her “she doesn’t love you”, it said, “she’s gotten tired of you, of your disease, she probably met someone else, someone better, healthier.” In time, she learned that fighting it is useless.

How can one even fight his own mind?

So she drank, if she can’t fight it but she can run from it, she can drown in a sea of poison and regret, she can swim in an ocean of denial.

Her therapist once quoted her Virginia Woolf “You cannot find peace by avoiding life,” that’s the same woman who drowned herself in the river with stones in her pockets, quite ironic.

But at the moment, all she said to the poor young woman who probably still believed she can fix her, all she said back was “Watch me try,”

She drove all the way home in silence, sipping from her bottle of vodka at red lights, she wasn’t brave enough to drive with one hand while feeling a bit tipsy- she maybe was crazy but she wasn’t a fool. Or at least she convinced herself she wasn’t.

Stromae screaming at her from the radio in a language she could barely understand but with her hazy mind she just screamed with him, putting every French lesson she took into the song,

“Tu étais formidable, j’étais fort minable

(You were wonderful, I was pathetic)

Nous étions formidables

(We were wonderful together)”

By the time she got home she was way more than just tipsy, she was ready to just go to bed and get this day over with.

To say she was surprised to hear noises from her kitchen would be an understatement, the last thing she needed to deal with was a burglar.

“You are here,” Regina said when she noticed Emma in her kitchen, the smell of the spicy tomato sauce swirling in the room.

“Regina,” Emma ran toward her and crashed her with a hug, not noticing the redness in her eyes nor the smell of her own spicy poison. “I’ve missed you so much,” she whispered against satin, raven locks, tightening her hold when sharp fingers dig into her back in despair.

“Why didn’t you come to the concert?” her voice was salty and a little bit wet with the tears she’s been fighting for hours, “I left you tickets with Jefferson,”

“I only got your message when I was halfway here,” she explained and pushed her lightly back from the embrace to kiss her forehead, only for Regina to hid in the crook of her neck and pull her back in, “I thought you’ll be hungry so I’ve made us dinner,” 

Regina nodded against her shoulder, her hands moving up and down Emma’s back, making sure that she was real, that she was really here, with her.

“Are you crying?” Emma asked when she felt the hot tears on her neck, “‘Gina?” her voice was worried and she palmed both of the brunette cheeks and pulled her away, noticing her wet face and puffy eyes. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

But Regina didn’t answer, she didn’t want Emma to know, not now, now they were supposed to be happy. “Hey,” the blonde smiled shyly at her, “It’s ok,” she promised.

“I just need some water,” Regina mumbled and made her way into the kitchen, she wiped her tears and sipped some water, already feeling the tension leaving her body.

.

.

.

Emma stared at the remote’s screen in confusion, her eyebrows furrowed in concentration. It says 70 degrees, how can it be so cold if it’s 70 degrees? Shouldn’t they be burning up? Is it even possible, can an air conditioner get into 70 degrees?

“It’s Fahrenheit,” Regina called from the kitchen while sticking her finger into the hot sauce, “you should have seen my reaction when they gave me the dates of the concerts,” she licked it clean and laughed,“I just kept repeating ‘but there is no fourteen month’ over and over in silence until Jefferson finally explained it to me,”

“America,” Emma sighed and went toward her girlfriend, kissing her softly and tasting the spicy sauce with her favorite Regina’s flavor. “You are the only person that can drag me here,” she

pecked her lips softly.

Regina smirked at her before she leaned into her ear and whispered “Don’t lie to me dear, I was with you last year when you came here to see Adele,” she giggled at Emma’s red ear, “She is British you know, she has concerts in London all the time,”

“Yea, but they were all sold out, I needed to see my Diva,” Emma reasoned and Regina’s faked a frown “Suddenly I don’t feel so special,” she started to walk away only for Emma to drag her back in and pull her into a hug “You are my very special Diva,” she peppered her hair with kisses and the brunette couldn’t fight her laughter.

“Stop,” she hit her back, “I know Adele is your idol,” she giggled when a kiss landed on her neck.

“But you are my very special and hot girlfriend,” she kissed her cheek and fixed her best puppy’s look as she stared at Regina, who just smirked at her in return, “Did I say hot?” she asked, bringing an olive palm to her lips and kissing it.

——————-

The bed was warm, that’s the first thing she noticed, for the first time in months she felt warm and she didn’t need to wake up three times at night to fix her blanket. She was warm, her body tucked safely within Emma’s front, the hot breath against the back of her neck tickled her and a warm palm on her stomach keeping her close, closer.

A smile grace her face, she felt content, maybe even happy, she turned to look at her girlfriend, admiring her soft, tender features. She loved those moments, she loved these sweet, quiet, minutes when she could count Emma’s freckles without being disturb. But when the silence became too much, when the ticking of the clock informed her she must go soon, she leaned in and peppered Emma’s clam face with kisses.

Emma stirred a little, but like the child she was, she refused to wake up and just pull Regina to her, hugging her close like a teddy bear. “Emma,” Regina laughed, she was feeling so light suddenly, like the weight of the world was finally lifted from her thin, trembling shoulders. “You must get up,” she was painting from laughter, her hot breath tickling Emma’s earlobe.

“Sleepy,” was all Emma’s said.

Realising she needed to take matters into her own hands Regina licked the earlobe beneath her until she could feel her lover breath getting shallow and heavy, her hand traveled lower until it reached a supple, soft breast, she squeezed a little, to Emma despair not giving it enough attention before she traveled south again, disappearing beneath the blonde’s boxer.

“Gina,” Emma, who clearly woke up now, cried out.

And Regina compiled, she circled her clit slowly, painfully so, and drank the sweet voices that came out from Emma’s throat, she could get drunk on this voices alone, she chuckled when that thought crossed her mind. Studying Emma’s flesh cheeks and her tightly closed eyes she leaned in and crashed their lips together before she pushed two slender fingers into her opening, causing the blonde to gasp into her mouth.

“Good morning,” Regina whispered against thin, bruised, lips.

“Regina,” Emma begged and the brunette just chuckled evilly, “We don’t have enough time,” she whispered before she brushed their lips together softly while pushing her fingers further into Emma.

“You’ll be the death of me,” Emma bitterly said when Regina removed her fingers entirely.

“Never,” the dark beauty pecked her lips and got out of bed.

.

.

.

The rest of the week went like that, Regina lived in the bubble of warmth and love, kisses and passionate lovemaking. It was so easy to lose herself in Emma, so easy to ignore the fact that Emma will, eventually leave, both US and her.

So she kissed her good-morning, ate with her in bed, smile at her at a concert and cuddled with her every single night.

She was Regina, not Roni, with her and she found it liberating. she was addicted to this freedom, so much that even her mother scolding didn’t annoy her anymore.

But, like everything in life, it ended.

The moment they landed in New-York Regina felt the black smoke in her mind getting heavier. Emma was about to leave in three days.

Suddenly waking up in Emma’s arms felt hot, too hot. Every kiss on a bare skin burned, every touch was too much.

“Are you drunk?” Emma asked her when she came home late one day, stumbling on her feet and crawling into bed.

“No,” she lied, her alcohol breathes reaching all the way to Emma, “Just a little bit tipsy,” she tried to save herself.

“Did you drive back here?” Regina already had a car accident on her record, luckily, the only victim was her Mercedes Benz.

“Jefferson gave me a ride home,” she mumbled against her pillow, her head hurting and her heart aching. Drowning her problems with poison wasn’t as reliving as it was with Emma here.

The two days were full of fighting, Emma urging her to get help and come back home with her and Regina pushing her back. It was easier to push someone away, easier to force Emma to leave than watch her leave willingly.

.

.

“Will you at least admit to me that you have a problem?” The blonde was frustrated now, seeing Regina going back to her old ways, again, it was like it’s never going to end.

“Good morning! I always had a problem, I have BPD, it’s not just going to fade away,” she screamed at her, her face red with anger and shame, her hands sweaty from the fear that this is it, that she finally pushed Emma away for good.

“I know that,” Emma sighed and ran her hand through her blonde locks, her heart beating fast as she tried to just think, to just stopped the angry, red, bubbling dots beneath her skin, the ones who urged her to scream at her girlfriend, to shout at her, to wake her up before she will destroy both of them. “I just want you to come with me,”

“I can’t leave,” Regina said back, forcing her tears to stay back. She took a deep breath as she rubbed her eyes, trying to buy some time before she explained. “I have this, thing, this curse inside me Emma, this curse will be in London, she will be in LA, she will be anywhere. I know you want to help,” she locked their gazes together, forced herself to look into Emma glistening emerald eyes “you are,” She exhaled, she couldn’t hide the tears in her voice when she said it and when Emma noticed it her face finally softened “You are helping so much,”

“Let me do more,” she pleaded with the brunette, sitting on her knees and clasping her hands with hers “Please come back to London with me,”

“I can’t,” Regina whispered back. And that was one of her problems, Regina had to win, she had to break limits and fly high. She couldn’t accept defeat. And for her, coming back home meant losing, and she will die before she will accept that.

.

.

.

“Do you ever feel like a moon?” Regina asked her as they laid in bed, the last night before Emma’s flight back home, the brunette was curled up in Emma’s arms, her head resting on her shoulder and her lips tickling her neck as she spoke.

“The moon?” Emma asked as her fingers played with satin, black, locks, curling them and watching with awe as they returned to their original shape.

“Yes,” the brunette exhaled, “You know the moon doesn’t have any light of its own,” she bit her lips as she planned her next words, grateful for Emma’s never-ending patience, “But it must shine,” she whispered, her index finger drawing circles on Emma’s left shoulder, “It must give us all light, so it takes it from the sun,”

“I see,” Emma breathed before she took Regina’s finger from her shoulder and kissed its fingertip.

“I think I’m a moon person,” the brunette confessed.

———————

“No!, no, no, no, no!” she kept repeating the word as she unpacked the clothes Emma put in the suitcase, “Don’t leave me,” her tearful cheeks were red and her lower lips quivered. Her thoughts were one big mess and she could feel her head spinning out of control.

“Regina,” Emma sighed and put the clothes back in, watching as Regina hysterically put them back out. “Regina!” she said firmly and held both of her hands, forcing chocolate eyes to meet with her own emerald ones, “I have to go,” she said calmly “I have to go but I’ll be back,” soft hand cupped an olive, wet cheek as a thumb wipe the tears away, “I’ll be back,” she exhaled and kissed her forehead, softly, sealing her promise with pink lips on heated skin.

“No,” Regina shook her head, she refused to be alone again, refused to come back to a life she no longer wished to live, a life without Emma’s arms around her every night. “No!” she pushed Emma away and throw her clothes out of the suitcase, “No!”

“Regina,” Emma fell to the floor and hugged her knees, watching as her lover fell into another meltdown, ‘when that's become my life?’ the blonde thought to herself. “Regina,” she breathed again, the word tasted bittersweet on her tongue.

“Please don’t go,” the brunette managed to say between shallow ragged breaths, she completely drove herself into a panic attack, “Don’t go,” she whispered , “Don’t leave me!” she screamed now and Emma broke down herself, hot, salty tears leaking from her eyes in waves when the realization that her Regina was long gone, lost inside her own mind. “I’m not leaving you,” she breathed through her nose, trying to calm herself.

“I thought I was flying but maybe I’m dying tonight,”Florence sang in the background.


End file.
